I would consider myself pretty adventerous as far as my willingness to travel and be outside (especially on beaches with umbrella drinks) or to do something out of the ordinary (like going to Trader Joe’s isntead of Kroger). I like to push limits and buttons. I like to overdress and underprepare. I do not, however, like coffee.
I don’t want to try it. I won’t like it. It makes my parents breath smell like bitter beans and unless you drink it through a straw like a nancy then it stains your teeth brown like chewing tobacco. I don’t like coffee ice cream, I don’t like mocha-anything. I just don’t. I do, however, like to stay awake during the day. It is one of my job requirements.
So, as of January 3, 2012, I have become a coffee drinker. I’ve heard it’s an acquired taste and boy did I acquire it quickly. It’s a miracle what four measly sugar packets and a chocolate creamer can do for 10 ounces of rancid roast. I drink two cups in the morning, rapid fire style, and pile one more on top of lunch after my 12:30 break.
I am sophisticated, I wear high heels, I work in an office and I drink coffee. Gone are the days of chugging canned energy drinks at $5 a pop in the back of a restaurant kitchen. I now save $40 a week by forgoing the proverbial wings and sipping instead a styrofoam cup-o-class in my cubicle. And is it just me or is hot caffine an appetite suppressant? Who needs morning snacks when they have morning joe? I’ve had the same q.p. of marzipan chocolate in my purse for a week now — my “just in case” stash — and I’d like to keep it there, missing only 6 bites instead of 60. A desk covered in cookie crumbs reads “slob.” A desk covered in coffee rings reads “busy as a bee and ain’t nobody getting in my damn way.”
So watch out world. My name is Emma. I will answer your phone calls, I will file your papers and I will drink your coffee.